Being me

Here are a few things I am:
Creative
Loving
Caring
Messy
A visionary
Not so good with the details
A leader
Emotional
Angry
Rebellious
Fearful
Daring
A risk taker
An entrepreneur
A lover
A good son

I am all these things and if I can embrace them all then I am healthy (emotionally and spiritually). If I deny them, if I deny my fear or my anger or my love then I am in pain. These days I feel like I never have before. Sometimes it shuts me down and sometimes I am so alive that the world lives and burns within me. The love is almost unbearable.

Sadness and food

Up until last week I was eating like crazy. I said it was the holidays but deep down I knew it was something else. I started a new relationship a few months ago. I told her I loved her and then I began to shut down and eat. It is what I do, I stuff my emotions with food. My stomach began to hurt, I was eating too much sugar and fatty foods and I felt like crap. My pants were getting tight. I was panicking. I wanted to break up with her as I always do when I shut down with a woman. Last Saturday I decided I would eat really healthy for the next week. I ate mostly vegetables and fruit with almonds and some tofu. I have had moments since then of emotions just coming out of the blue and I find myself suddenly crying. This afternoon I felt that way too. I started to think I should eat and I did, but the emotions were still there. I tried to divert myself from them by watching t.v., playing video games, eating. In the end I cried and I feel better. I don't feel like eating anymore.

The Power of Positive Creation

Last night, I was sitting next to a friend at a large soccer and volleyball competition. We were "taking a breather" as they say in the sports world. He was telling me all about his crappy life in vivid detail. He was definitely in the suck hole going on and on about his ex-wife, his fledgling business, his debt, etc. After listening awhile I asked him to tell me 20 things in his life that he appreciated. He ignored me at first, but then when prompted again he began his list. I counted on my fingers as he went. As it turns out he is in an awesome relationship, he is moving back to the place he loves, he is able to support himself and he owns 3 houses! When he finished his list I asked him: "Do you think you are more likely to create the life that you want from this place of contentment or from the place of anger and despair you were in 5 minutes ago?" He said, "I know, you make a good point." At this moment all the competitors were called to the basketball court. The leader of the event told us that there was an extra $100 left over from our payments for pizza and soda and that we were going to have a basketball shootout from half court. Whoever made the basket would win $100. If you missed you were part of the cleanup crew. I went second and missed so I grabbed a broom and started to sweep the court. I came closer and closer to my friend as he stood in line. There were only 3 men left when got the ball. I swept right by him saying "stay positive and you can get whatever you want". He shot the ball and it lept right in to the basket. From that place of contentment my friend was able to make $100 seemingly out of nowhere. That is the power of positive creation.